Anger

Anger consumes the inside of my mind. Sometimes its temporary, but sometimes its permanent.  

Im angry you found me

Im.angry i let you in

Im.angry i didnt leave at the first red flag. 

Im.angry i loved you so much

Im angry you pushed me away

Im.angry that you insulted me

Im.angry i was never enough

Im.angry you said you were not attracted to me. 

Im angry i let it affect me . 

Im.angry that it brought me so low. 

Im.angry that despite all this you did to me i yearned for you to love me. 

However the cycle continued and i got tired of fighting for you to love me ,  im worth more than begging for love . 

Im angry that im not angry anymore because i was able to let you go in my heart. 

Im angry to see you hurt for me now. I'm angry you got yourself together after you destroyed everything i felt for you.  

Thanks for listening-shehulk

PAIN

Everyone handles pain differently. This pain inside me is crying,  confused, why me? Whats wrong with me? Why do people hurt others . Why do they tear them down, and once they pick themselves up, wanna tear rhem down again? My heart feels empty and numb towards this person. No longer can i enjoy their company. Im dazed :( how do i move on with this person. the behaviors are confusing,  sometines its love,  sometimes it's I dont love you, sometimes its I need to live my life. Others its im not attracted to you. I cant take it anymore,  i keep fighting but have no fight left. Everyone says give him another chance, they have no idea the agony and pain and the strength its taking me to say enough!!! I was in a dark pit. And recently i was able to crawl out but still getting up. I forgave the person who hurt me. But i xant move on with them. I want better for my life.  It hurts so bad even having to say that. They were my fairy tale, my prince but ended turning in the villain.  Oh how this breaks me up inside. How can he do this to me. How can he then say he wants me? After the hurt he purposely caused.... he is trying, they say... your being mean,  they say. How much more do people want me to take? He took my mind when he wanted me dead. Oh how i pray for me to want to love him but honestly im at peace and dont want him in my life.  I want to grow in my ministry. just grow and forget i ever stopped growing. 

Thanks for listening. -shehulk

you are your best motivator and cheerleader

 Hello Everyone!

Thank you for being on this journey with me. 

My name is Elizabeth. Family calls me Ely and friends call me Liz. 

I decided to do this blog because frankly I need a journal. So why not?

So I was looking for ways to school my kids and work. Hubby got laid off from work because the environment at his job was not taking proper hygiene protocal. He does essential driving jobs now. but the amounts vary day to day. Our income has decreased. And so I was on indeed looking for work and came accross narrating. What? I said. So I began my research and googled what good narrating sites. I came accross ACX. They are broker that Authors pay a fee to, to find Narrators. 

So here I am thinking I need some special skill and decide to look into what I need. Ladies and gentlemen lo and behold it was a free sign up and they walked you through profile set up. I was kinda a dummy so I quite didnt get it and where to go it was all so new to me. So I went to you tube and search and researched and came accross a you tube video that was on point. Vannessa Bailey. Let me tell you this woman has got talent and skills and explains it so clearly, so with Vanessa on my side I was able to do my profile professionally. 

The next day I got messages of people who heard my samples and liked my voice. They wanted me to audition for their books. I got an offer from this publishing outside of ACX directly to my email asking me if I was willing to do a paid by the hour finished title. I was like oh my word! Yes I will take it. I am thanking God for this opportunity. So I got a title to read. Well I can read that was the simple part. But Guess what? Yup you guessed it. I didn't know all the Rules that came with the volume and the db and the regulations. I was so confused. I was so frustrated. The samples were just of my voice so they didnt need all the audio formats. But now, I landed a job and so I had to do it right? I mean I couldnt just drop it. 

So after accepting the email offer. I watched video after video on you tube. I still couldnt find any samples on how to do these formats. All I knew was that the Audacity app was best to record. so I downloaded the app and opened it up. Oh my word, like ugh seriously I don't understand this software. I was determined. I researched and studied and practiced and learned how to record and edit copy paste the basics. The script was only 5 chapters so it took me a day to do right? NO! it didn't it took me like a week to keep getting it right. The Author was so nice the first copy I sent her. I was too low. Like no sound she couldnt hear a thing. That was because when I recorded I used my usb headphones so it was which completely changed my audio. Then she asked me if I can fix the audio that maybe its too compressed. So now she is talking mechanics of Audio with me ; definitions I know nothing about. So here I am dealing with my kids all day. Putting them to bed and you guessed it. Studying. I looked up videos, definitions, and more and more about what to do. Finally I come accross this God sent video this lady begins to talk about macros. So dummy me, I do not know what this talk is. So I look at it in audacity and just follow the steps in the video. Lo and behold. It was the secret to the formats and how to get a plug in that analyzes the work for you to make sure that the regulations specified pass the publishing companies guidelines. So after mistake and mistake I finally after almost a week of emailing back in forth copies of my audios with total mistakes. I'm happy to say I learned to work Audacity and work the basic controls that allowed me to complete my book. All regulations followed and accepted. So now Tomorrow I am waiting for Anne. (not her real name) to get a hold of me to see if I get the contract offered for me to be a Narrator for their publishing company. Tomorrow I will update .. Good night and thank you for reading. -Elizabeth